“Anyone can become angry….. that is easy, but to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way… this is not easy”
Aristotle (384BC – 322 BC)
Anger is often expressed as an explosion of aggression. This is how many people often recognise that they have pushed someone too hard or have aggravated them.
Anger can also be turned inwards and not expressed at all, beating oneself up for one reason or another, this is when it can become self-destructive. When someone is angry at themselves they often punish themselves mentally for not achieving or being who or what they want to be.
Pressure from family, friends, teachers, the boss or anyone that the person wants to please or think well of them, can put unnecessary strain on the person to behave or live their lives in a certain way. That is not necessarily the way they want to live their life but the way they think other people expect them too. This form of anger if not dissipated in some way may result in depression.
There are many schools of thought on how to manage anger. The way I work is to look at the whole person to find the pain behind the anger. What are the internal messages/emotions and energies held which caused the anger in the first place?
In my experience, the reasons are often things such as, I don’t feel loved or valued, I feel like no one listens to me, I deserve better than this, I feel used and so on.
“Anger is never without a reason but seldom a good one”.
Having identified the main reasons for the pain, I look at how to ease the client’s discomfort, how to resolve the stimulus for the anger. I consider myself to be the tool which enables Growth and Healing to occur for the client, helping the person to find the answers to their pain within themselves.
Once a person can identify why someone or something might “push buttons” for them and make them angry, it is easier for them to be more objective and look at the real intention behind the action. (Sometimes the intention is to just to make a person angry, to get a response).
This results in the person being able to confront or challenge unwanted behaviour in a calm and considered way and make different choices. There is a time and a place for anger and a time for calm, both are valid emotions.
There are good reasons why we might choose anger, it is a higher vibrational energy than…..
Fear/ grief/ depression/ despair/ powerlessness/ insecurity/ guilt/ unworthiness/ jealousy/ hatred/ rage or revenge.
When we feel anger, it feels better than the other negative energies mentioned, that is why it is useful because it drags us up out of the lower negative energies, if even only for a short while.
(More about Vibrational Energies on the “Vibration Explained” page of this website).
“Holding on to anger is like a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else, you are the one who gets burned”.
Emotional Guidance Scale
- Joy/ Knowledge/ Empowerment/ Freedom/ Love/ Appreciation
- Enthusiasm/ Eagerness/ Happiness
- Positive Expectation/ Belief
- Frustration/ Irritation/ Impatience
- Hatred/ Rage
- Insecurity/ Guilt/ Unworthiness
- Fear/ Grief/ Depression/ Despair/ Powerlessness
While feeling angry you notice that you do feel some relief from your depression or fear perhaps. By noticing that your chosen thought of anger does feel better than the suffocating depression (for example), that it replaced and with the conscious recognition of your improved vibration, your feeling of powerlessness softens and you are now on your way up your emotional guidance scale.
“For every minute you are angry with someone,
You lose 60 seconds of happiness
That you can never get back”
The thing that matters most is that you consciously reach for a feeling that is improved. The vibrational energy of emotions between 1 to 5 above is in alignment with your natural state of being. Those below 8 are resistance to the flow of Well-Being Energy.